Ooh, shiny!
by BrownEyedDevil
Summary: Victor is invited to his brother's wedding. Shiny objects all around, hilarity might ensue, might be OOC in places, be gentle. It is all Liev Schreiber's and JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo's fault. And by that I do not mean The Beatles! Rated T for swearing.


**Alright. This is slightly cracky. Juuust slightly. Any complaints go to JohnPaulGeorgeandRingo who dared me to write this.**

**Let me illustrate how a story like that is made, maybe.**

**There are two girls on Skype, chatting away, being unproductive when it comes to their existing stories. Let us say they are both Rogan shippers with a heightened interest in Hugh Jackman. And one of them plays the scene from Origins where Victor sees the adamantium claws for the first time about a hundred times-I am not kidding. Because she just likes the sound of his voice. And because Liev Schreiber should be enjoyed with some whipped cream and strawberries. Anyway.**

**I was making a joke about writing a oneshot where he says shiny ten times. She dared me to do that. I went from there and this is what came out of it. Bored yet? Good. The story will look better in comparison to this rambling A/N.**

**Victor Creed does, sadly, not belong to me. Neither does Logan-damn shame. Marie does belong to the greedy people, too. They can keep the rest of the X-Men while they're at it. I do not make any money with this. if you want to make a donation, it will go straight to the Hugh Jackman kidnapping fund. After a small deduction, need some myself. For the other kidnapping fund. Liev should be kidnapped so Hugh has some company, you know. *whistles innocently***

**Warning. I am nuts. There. Now read the story or bugger off!**

**The Brit seems to rub off on me.**

The whole teaching staff and the team had been in a state of constant indignation for the past week, prompting the bride to be to compare it to a henhouse after the Wolverine had announced he had invited the Sabertooth.

Which is…exactly what he did.

Logan had explained it all to them in friendly terms, being the well-mannered charming little fella he is. He had buried the feud with his brother, he had finally caved and asked the girl, kid, mutant formerly known as she who sucks - your life force out, that is, to marry him so he wanted the only living family member to attend the ceremony. Of course they were the only members of their family still alive. They simply hadn't found a way to kill each other yet, after making sure they so skillfully chopped off all other branches, and outlived the rest, of the family tree. It was now more of a dried up cactus with two branches.

What he really said was:

"Look. You geeks can bitch all you want, he's my god damn brother. We both did things in the past we're not exactly proud of (right here he was lying because Victor sure is or simply doesn't care and he remembers squat about anything before the round of adamantium to his head) but there is no use in feuding over somethin' I can't remember. He is my brother and this is my wedding (at which point he was interrupted by a barely audible cough, which made him, already very much trained in the meanings of a woman's cough and its effect on the fun part of their relationship, correct himself without pause) our wedding and I have kept my mouth shut so far. All I want is to invite my brother so you all deal with that."

So they did, more or less, until the front door flew open two days before the wedding. Everyone in the mansion had had their own set of prejudice when it came to the infamous Sabertooth, but they all agreed in one point: He was an animal.

They had no idea how right they were, and if they had known how far that went, they would have been shocked.

Marie was just about to cross the hall, dragging a heavy bag behind her, made to look as inconspicuous as possible. When she saw the tall figure looming in the door, black coat being tugged by the light breeze outside she almost tripped over one of the handles.

"No need to fall all over yourself to greet me."

"Well hello Victor: How wonderful to see you. Been a while."

"No kidnapping you this time. Word got around that the runt got his paws all over you, nobody's interested."

"If you keep insulting me there will be no cake for you mister!"

He grinned that very toothy grin of his. While everyone else would have been afraid to end up in ribbons, rightfully so, she was not. Which might have something to do with her being the bride to be of his brother, but she didn't really feel like testing the waters. So she went on to drag the bag across the hall.

"That is just painful to watch."

With two steps he was by her side and lifted the bag as if it contained nothing but feathers. She hoped he couldn't smell what really was in there. Judging by his grin, he did.

"Look. I have been on a low fat, low carb, low taste diet for the past two months so I am really, really easy to piss off."

She growled. Everybody else would have been intimidated by that, since she had become a nervous wreck exactly two months ago when Logan had decided that they would get married. She had needed only two years to slowly convince him that it was exactly what he wanted.

Victor on the other hand was known as a man who's middle name had nothing to do with patience but more with short fuse, violence and bloodshed. He was just drawing a deep breath to tell her exactly what he would do to her, talons itching to get out all the way, when a sparkle on her hand caught his attention. The relatively large diamond on her hand reflected the sunlight wonderfully, throwing little lights all over the walls. They moved around and his eyes darted after them. Instead of following the urge he suddenly felt he got his act together and saved himself by muttering a sarcastic:

"Ooh, shiny."

Marie paused for a moment but decided to just let it go. She was glad that her future brother in law apparently got the message and was not going to cause any trouble. Now she only had to get him to carry that bag to the nearest empty room and she could enjoy her last evening of quiet all by herself, with only the TV and the contents of this bag keeping her company.

"Come on, I'll show you your room."

"Want me to drop this fast food bomb off somewhere on the way?"

She sighed, ignoring his chuckling behind her. With a sigh she led him to the room that had been prepared for him and had him drop the bag in front of an empty room on the way. She knew he would cause a lot of problems. She just knew.

The next morning was the morning before the rehearsals. Logan hadn't slept much because Marie had spent most of that night turning from one side to the other, muttering under her breath. She hadn't ceased to do that after she fell asleep and he had found that unsettling. That and the fact that he could hear Victor moving around first in his room and then all across the mansion. Now they had successfully claimed a table and started to have breakfast. He was digging into a plate filled with bacon, sausage and eggs while Marie was glaring at a fruit cup. In strolled Victor, his plate loaded even more than Logan's, and sat down next to them.

"You got a vermin problem around here."

"Don't tell me that you spent last night chasing mice."

"Oh you should have told me that you preferred me sticking to my usual prey."

He glanced over at a table of young girls, fangs bared. They were staring at them with a mixture of shock bordering on disgust and curiosity that was very close to lust. Those girls just did not know what was good for them. All they saw was a tall, bad guy. They didn't seem to care how bad he was, because when he raised an eyebrow at them one had the audacity to giggle. Logan didn't know her or what her mutation was but he guessed it was a mutated form of stupidity.

Victor sensed his brother tensing up and after over a century knew exactly what was going through his head. Just when he was about to say something to fuel the rage he noticed the giggle girl again. She was wearing huge earrings with little silver pieces and glittering stones and the sunlight reflected off them. They were so…. so….

"Shiny."

It was muttered so low nobody but Logan noticed. He glared at his older brother, taking it as some sort of sexual reference. He made a mental note to watch out for the girl with extremely red hair and to keep her away from Victor.

Even better, find her a place in an exchange program that would take her far away from this, to a country Victor wouldn't visit any time soon. Like England. He hated that place.

The rehearsal was about to start and Marie was nervous. Everything so far had gone so smooth she was certain the place would explode on their wedding day, killing everyone. Or worse, that Logan would run away.

Then there was the problem with getting Victor to wear a suit. She still wasn't sure if Logan would wear the one she had picked out for him. She wouldn't allow them to show up in flannel shirts and bolo ties. Or their usual getup, all boots and leather jacket and belt buckles and… She trailed off, marveling at the fact that she would soon marry a beautiful ass in tight jeans. They would do that if she allowed them to she was sure, show up for the wedding dressed like hicks. Teetering at the edge of a nervous breakdown she took a deep breath, relieved as she heard the familiar soft whirring of a wheelchair.

Professor Charles Xavier had been cautious when Logan had told him about his plans to invite his brother. Or rather, had told him he had just done that. He was a friend of all mutants and believed in second chances and the good in all of them, but he wasn't sure if that large man had simply buried the grain of goodness very deep inside him or if he had managed to kill it off. But he was Logan's only family and so he had decided to give it a try. He did not have to like that guy, his thoughts were as easy to ignore as a sonic boom and they were mostly circling around female students and of sexual nature. If not, he was thinking about killing someone slowly and then stalking young, female students.

It did not help that he made a remark about the professor's bald head, turtle wax and referred to it with the words "dome" and "shiny". He sent a mental threat to the huge feral that had worked on his younger brother a few years back, hoping that it would work this time, too.

Like a charm, or so it seemed.

The ceremony was going to be held outside, in the vast gardens of the institute. None other than the professor would hold it, both Marie and Logan had insisted on it. They didn't want any stranger to marry them.

All during the rehearsal ceremony Victor was gazing over at the woods behind the mansion, desperately wishing he could be there. He did not know what he was doing here in the first place, he was the big, the mighty Sabertooth. He killed people. He did not play dressup like a monkey and pretended to be polite and calm and… Well, he clearly was not and he could smell that most of the people in attendance were scared enough to almost piss themselves. With a hint of a smile he turned around to survey the small crowd that had gathered, the whole team was in attendance, of course. His eyes went over them one by one and he enjoyed the way most of them squirmed under his gaze. All except one, that guy with the glasses. For once he agreed with his brother. That guy was annoying by just being around. Alive. Victor wouldn't mind dining next to his corpse…

Right next to that dork's face dangled a few decorations from a post, they had been put left and right of the isle and being the person he was, Victor had no appreciation for the fine art of decorating. Ororo, Jean and Marie had spent a long while picking out flowers, ribbons and little crystals to combine them and put them on metal rods. He snorted.

"Frilly bullsh….iny!"

Again light was reflecting off the crystals and dancing in small rainbows across the grass. Victor tensed and went down into a crouch, eyes trying to focus on one to start with, but the sounds of people getting to their feet snapped him out of it. He really needed to get a grip on himself!

After the rehearsal there was, of course, the rehearsal dinner to get over with, but since there was plenty of food and beer for everyone, well, for him at least, Victor was, by his standards, fine with that. Of course he would have preferred to get all the people as far from him as possible, but he had learned to take what he could get.

Marie did not eat at all, she was playing with her steak knife instead. It was, of course, the finest silver cutlery, and the dim lights on the ceiling reflected of it beautifully. The reflection zipped across the table and drove Victor insane. This knife was too… shiny!

With a growl he got up and left the room, determined to go out, have some fun and not come back until the ceremony started two days later. if at all. There were too many sparkling, shiny objects in that place for his taste.

In the garage he stopped in front of a brand spanking new Porsche that smelled like the annoying geek. It was deep red and obviously polished, it was very, very… Oh there was that word again!

"Shiny." he growled and with a swift arch of his right hand he scratched once across the hood. After admiring his work for a moment he decided to add more, slowly dragging his index finger across the paint. He wondered what the little boy scout would say when he discovered his little work of art. It was a cunning portrait of the owner who Victor thought, again agreeing with his brother, was a dick.

After finishing his job in the garage Victor decided to inspect the mansion once more. He had given himself quite the tour the previous night but had left out the lower levels. He just followed the distinct smell of leather and kerosene and was sure he'd find some sort of elevator.

And sure enough, he hear a faint humming behind the wood paneling in one of the corridors, somebody was coming up. As soon as he smelled her he grinned. Among all the residents that were against him being there, there was only one who did not bother with keeping up a friendly façade but was downright hostile.

Who wouldn't be if the man in question had tried to strangle you.

Then again, he had kidnapped his brother's little plaything, which had led to her almost being killed and she seemed alright with him. He shrugged it off, just one more reason why women were completely bonkers and definitely out of the question when it came to someone to stay around him for longer.

As in staying alive.

The wood paneling slid aside with a soft ping and revealed a metallic interior, illuminated by the brightest lights available. In the middle stood Ororo, wearing a tailored, cadet blue suit, her hair short and styled as usual. She barely glanced at Victor, just as she would have glanced at a bag of trash someone had tossed into the hall. He made sure he blocked her way so she had to squeeze past him in the rather narrow space. With a low chuckle he lifted his hand and watched her flinch away, thinking he was going for her throat, yet again. Instead he touched her hair. He had overheard her gushing to the other women about some new products she had just bought which made her hair so god damn annoyingly shiny.

Her eyes glazed over white and he could feel the crackling of electricity around him, with a concentration around an area he was really fond off. It would heal, but before that, it would hurt. Looking into her pearly white eyes he tilted his head.

"Is there more that's white and shiny on you?"

Her lips curled up in a wicked smile.

"I guess you'll never find out."

A small lightning bolt cut through the air between them directly into his groin. While he doubled over, groaning and cursing, she walked away with a satisfied smirk. The last thing she heard was a thud as he fell over backwards into the elevator and the soft ping as the doors closed on him.

When the pain had subsided to a dull throbbing he rolled out of the elevator, which had arrived at the lower levels of the mansion that most likely were not included in the parents day tour of the institute. The bright lights were hurting his eyes as he walked around, following the scent of the woman he would from now on refer to as weather bitch. He had agreed to leave people alone but nobody had seen his crossed fingers over the phone. She had asked for it. Nobody hurt his balls and got away with it.

Her scent led him to what had to be the infirmary. The stink of disinfectant numbed his sense of smell and through the windows he could see a few examination tables and machinery. Right behind it were a few offices and he soon found the one belonging to the white haired fury in a suit. It was actually a laboratory and he could smell not only her, but also the redhead his brother had been so fond of, as well as another feral he had once had the pleasure to fight with. Or rather, against.

He was now known as Senator McCoy.

"Can I help you find anything?"

The voice coming from the doorway behind him was almost a purr. A friendly, soft voice testing the water, mildly suggesting that you might have a chance at seeing the goodies if you played the game right. Too bad she smelled like Dickhead.

"Yeah, you can help me alright. But I doubt that boyfriend of yours would appreciate scraping your remains off the walls."

"He's my husband."

Her serene smile made Victor roll his eyes as a reflex. He'd normally enjoy cutting that right off her face, but being married to that guy was worse than anything he could do to her.

With her smile still in place she let her fingers slide across a few scalpels neatly arranged on a tray. The light reflecting of the surface onto the wall moved along with her fingers and he growled. Damn those shiny knives.

"I know what it is you want, Victor."

"Yeah, I doubt that."

And with that he was out of the door, heading back to the elevator. He needed to get out of this place as soon as possible, this was like a bright and shiny commercial. He didn't like that kind of stuff.

Damn it.

Instead of fleeing like he wanted to he headed back to the party. They had finished dessert by now, he had never had a sweet tooth so he didn't mind skipping that part. He did get himself two more beers and headed back to the table. Maybe he could have some more fun.

Bowls of snacks had appeared everywhere and someone had devoured almost an entire bowl of candy, there were candy wrappers everywhere. Right in front of him was a metallic green one. Absentmindedly his right index finger snaked towards it and flicked it. It was some sort of crinkling foil.

"You shiny bastard."

His hand went after the wrapper to retrieve it and flicked it into the other direction. Completely mesmerized he repeated the move a few times, flicking it further and further until he could barely reach it with his outstretched arm. Everyone else was gathered in small groups, idly chit chatting. So he could spend some time giving in to the playful side of his mutation and if anybody noticed, he would have to kill them. Because Victor Creed did not play with shiny objects like a fucking cat.

"Alright, everyone! Thank y'all for being nice, everything went fine. So why don't we relax a little and dance?"

Some shitty slow song started and Victor groaned. When there was music, and a dancefloor, there sure was… a disco ball. Slowly rotating. Shiny. Hundreds of little reflections moving around on the walls, on the floor.

Shiny. Shiny. Shiny. Shiny….

He would have a hell of a headache later.


End file.
